Authentic Lord Sesshoumaru Kicks Butt
by Corisu Li
Summary: In which a MarySue approaches Sesshoumaru... and gets way more than she bargained for. Ahhh, vengeance. Idea spawned from Katharine the Great, with permission. Rated for very violent Suedeath.


__

This idea was spawned from a series by Katharine the Great. The stories were hilarious, and I obtained her permission to adapt the idea to 'Inuyasha'. If you are an LOTR fan, read her fics! To see the predecessors, read 'Good King Thranduil Kicks Butt', 'Genuine Prince Legolas Kicks Butt', and 'Lord Celeborn Kicks Butt - With Style'.

__

This fic is dedicated to the hater of the Mary-Sue, a quickly growing percentage of our population.

Warnings: Blood, Death

________________________________________________________________________

Authentic Lord Sesshoumaru Kicks Butt

Her wide violet eyes watched the Demon Lord as he strode beside his companions. His form almost seemed to glow; his magnificence was unmatched by anything that she had ever seen. His splendid silver hair was long, as long as it could be without brushing the ground and marring his perfection. He was, in a word - 

Perfect.

Tsukatta no Jigoku, the Lady of the Eastern Lands, had been watching the flawlessness of Lord Sesshoumaru for months, but she had been unable to summon the courage to approach him, to draw him away from his retainer and his ward.

However, she was not self-conscious, not by far. Her own loveliness was astounding, even by the standards of other inuyoukai. Her hair was a light blue that framed her face in all the right places. It stretched down to the small of her back and always gleamed faintly, even in the dead of night. This unusual hair color would be expected to clash with the deep purple of her eyes, but it only added to her mystery and ethereal loveliness. In fact, her eyes were not always violet; they were green when she was angry.

Tsukatta watched as her Demon Lord halted suddenly, then turned his head to stare over his shoulder - directly at her hiding place. A pleasant shiver shook her frame. _'He has noticed me! Now, if only-'_

She needn't have worried, she heard his voice, a deep baritone, thrumming toward her. "Jaken. Take Rin away from this place. I will rejoin you shortly."

The ugly toad youkai at his side immediately began to protest, and Tsukatta frowned. When she mated Sesshoumaru, the hideous minion would have to go. He marred the perfection that was her idol.

Finally, the small retainer led the two-headed demon bearing the small child away, and Sesshoumaru stood with his back to Tsukatta.

Another shudder overtook her. They were alone! Alone to be properly introduced as lovers!

Finally, Sesshoumaru's low tones came forth again. "Come out."

Smiling benignly, she stepped from the trees. As the brush rustled, the Lord of the West turned to her, his normal stolid expression on his face. As the Lady took in his features, she tried to suppress yet another shiver. His perfection was disarming, weakening.

His eyes narrowed. "You have been following me. For what reason?"

Tsukatta inclined her head. "I have been admiring you from afar, My Lord. You are remarkable in countenance and skill." She congratulated herself. _'He is flattered, no doubt. He is mine.'_

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened minutely, then returned to their suspicious stare. "What is your name?"

She flipped her hair, allowing the sun to filter through the pale strands. "You must forgive my rudeness. I am Lady Tsukatta no Jigoku, Lady of the East." She bowed.

"Ah. I suspected as much."

This statement threw Tsukatta off her guard. "You... suspected? Surely, you mean that a woman of my beauty could be nothing more than a Lady?"

Sesshoumaru frowned in disapproval. "No. As a matter of fact, you could not be the Lady of the East."

Tsukatta blinked in confusion, then she felt her eyes revert to emerald as her anger rose. "And why not?"

"It is simple, _My Lady_," he spat, taunting her. "_You_... are a Mary-Sue."

"I... I am not!" Tsukatta seethed. "I do not know what you mean! My name is Lady Tsuka-"

"Your hair is a horrendous color," Sesshoumaru interrupted. "And why do your eyes shift their hue? Is your soul in indecision about whether you should exist?"

Tsukatta flushed angrily. "How DARE you!"

"No..." Sesshoumaru's hand fell to Tokijin. "How dare _you_..."

"You do not mean to fight me, surely?" She smirked, confident once more. "I am the best fighter in the East!"

Tokijin gleamed as it was pulled from the Demon Lord's waist. "Perhaps. But this is the West, fool."

Tsukatta snarled and drew her own sword, one of solid gold. "You cannot defeat me! I am not just inuyoukai! I am also half fairy!" With these words, her hair turned bright red and two wings of the same hue burst from her back.

Sesshoumaru looked at her for a moment, then scoffed. "Are you quite finished?" Then, without waiting for an answer, he blurred forward and locked swords with Tsukatta - for a millisecond. Then, the half-fairy's sword was sliced in half and Tokijin sank into her shoulder, causing her to cry out in pain.

He withdrew his sword. "Gold is a very soft metal. Surely you would know this, _my lady_?"

Tsukatta groaned and rose. "You cannot kill me! I am immortal!"

Sesshoumaru ignored her and blurred forward once more, Tokijin extended. The sword entered her right wing, and then impaled the trunk of a tree, pinning her like a bloody butterfly.

Tsukatta's scream pierced the forest as thick rivulets of blood ran from her wing and dripped onto the ground. Sesshoumaru admired his handiwork for a moment; the woman hung from his sword, which was slowly slicing through more and more of her wing because of her weight.

"Why are... you doing this?" she groaned, tears pouring from her green eyes.

"You are canon pollution. We must rid ourselves of your kind."

"Canon? What...?"

Sesshoumaru took a few steps forward. "It is fitting that you do not know what canon is..." He suddenly noticed the woman's tears of pain. "You must wipe your eyes." With that, he ripped her unpinned wing from her back, eliciting yet another shriek. The force of his yank tore the rest of her right wing from Tokijin and she crumpled to the ground, her back a bloody mess.

The Demon Lord's mouth quirked upward in a small smile as he ripped a small piece from the severed wing, then tossed it to her. "Wipe your eyes, filth."

Tsukatta wasn't done yet, however. She rose once more, panting slightly. "You bastard!" she screeched, leaping for him with her claws. Sesshoumaru dodged effortlessly, plucking his sword from the tree as he moved. When he landed, he dashed back toward her and sank his sword into her stomach.

She paused, her eyes wide. A rivulet of blood trickled from the corner of her open mouth. Sesshoumaru wasn't quite satisfied yet, however, and he twisted the sword as he drove it deeper. The tip burst from her back and she gasped and made gurgling sounds in her throat.

"Still alive?" he muttered, relishing the pain on her face.

'Immortal,' she mouthed, and Sesshoumaru scoffed again as he swept the sword to the side and cut her body in half.

"But how can you live if there is no body left?" he mused, wiping his sword on the long grass and resheathing it.

When Jaken and Rin returned, looking for the source of the screams, Sesshoumaru had just finished his task of shoving the Sue-chunks into the iron-wasps' nest.

"My Lord, what happened here?" the toad asked, gesturing at their surroundings.

Sesshoumaru looked around at the bloodstained clearing, and then at his own immaculate form. "Clean-up. Let us resume our journey."

Soon, they vanished into the trees, leaving a nest of very fat wasps behind.

________________________________________________________________________

__

Man, that was fun! Oh, and I want to stress that 'Tsukatta no Jigoku'_ is not a character that I pulled from anyone's fic. She is (sadly) my own creation. I hope someone's learned a valuable lesson. No? Well, I'll spell it out:_

Any character named 'Water of Hell' _is destined for a bloody demise._

Now review!


End file.
